It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
