I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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