I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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