Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
