evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
