You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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