he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hippo gnu deer
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
