Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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