I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
