I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
