I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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