Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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