names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
