She's JV to your varsity
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
