you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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