Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
