FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
