is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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