you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
