Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
