can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
