I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
