I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
