So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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