He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
