That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
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And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
send nudes
from the living room?
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