the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
