I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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