Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She's the barista slut.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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