I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize