So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
