I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
