I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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