So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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