Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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