I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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