I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
