good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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