Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
