things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
