Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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