So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
