i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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