Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Randomize
