The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im six kinds of drunk right now
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
