Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
