He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My ATM looks so different sober.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
