I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
