Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
