speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
