she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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