I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's just like the Real World with babies
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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