He uses pillows to masturbate.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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