Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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