Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
