dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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