This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
