if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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