I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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