Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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