Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
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I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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