What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
