Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
