Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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