I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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