conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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