I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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