Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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