Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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