The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Let's paint friendship bongs
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
